Re-born in the City: to Learn, to Love, to Live.

It was 2009, and the decision was made. I had to leave my family and friends. I had to leave the campus that I had been dreaming about being a part of. I had to leave the highest educational institution in the country in order to go to a just one year old institution. I had to leave the place and environment I know like my palm to place I had never been to. Anyway, since the decision was made, there was no option for me to protest. So I left everything I had and like a recent widow started an all alone life.
Here was I, in a city that I did not want to be a part of, and yes of course among the people who I did not want to be with. I arrived at the university. The first person smiled at me was a beautiful and almost 5’7’’ tall girl, my Nepali roommate. The next few days I went by the motions. But what I didn’t know was that I was losing myself. A very confident, smart, and motivated girl was getting lost when it was the time to be a better and wiser person.
Nobody knew what went wrong, not even me. Was it that my heart was not open to embrace the new place, culture, and the people? I didn’t know a single person here in Chittagong. Let along any relatives, anyone could be called ‘friend’ was not living here. I was very uncomfortable as people used to stare at me if I wear jeans outside. And the language; I was almost scared to go outside of the campus because I didn’t understand a single ward of it when the shopkeepers or the rickshaw-alas were talking to me. My foreigner classmate’s and my experience in the city was not very different. Thus, there was no way that I could even consider exploring the new place, its people and culture.
Or was it the reluctant relationship out of guilt and sympathy? When one my friends fell in love with me and somehow it seemed to me that my friend was in a very bad situation because of me, I took a decision. And it was definitely one of the worst that I have ever made. I was not sure what I was doing. Eventually, I realized that whatever I did not only harmed that person but also played a very important role to make everything worse for me.
Or was it that I felt the same way like a free bird, which loves to fly in the vast open blue sky, felt when suddenly it get caged? It was my dream to study at the University of Dhaka. It was not only about the educational institution. It was about the huge campus, the footsteps of the people I have always adored, the buzz of the upcoming intellectuals, the enthusiasm of the bright young scholars, the energy of the youth, the twilight in the sky over the TSC, the exceptionally beautiful red bricks of the Karjon Hall, the determined and patriot face I saw in the ‘Aparajeyo Bangla,’ and the ‘Raju Vashkorjo,’ the thousands different stories of the thousands students, and every other small things that used to teach me this or that every single day.
But suddenly, I was at the place that had only two buildings and around three hundred students. My classrooms were in the opposite building that I lived in. I met the same people everywhere. I ate the same food every week. I slept and woke up at the same time. I attended the exact same classes at the exact same time. Every day it seemed to me that my world was the same as yesterday; I was the same as yesterday. No step up, no breakthrough, no new steps to be a better person.
Perhaps, everything worked together perfectly. Perhaps, it was meant to happen. Perhaps, none of these was a big deal. However it happened didn’t matter. What mattered was that I lost the most precious thing, I lost myself.
It was such a time that I forgot there could be anyone who would help me out. I was so lost that I didn’t dare to hope for a miracle. But probably people are always given another chance. And it was indeed a miracle for me. I started volunteering for a non-profit organization. I suddenly met people and got some friends who were beside me, and probably unconsciously, played the most important role ever during the most significant and turning point of my life. They held my hand to help me pass though such a time that I would not wish anyone to go through. Among them I got my best friend who, at the same time, became one of the most important people in my life.
And the world was open to me once again. Or rather, I opened up my heart to the world again. I started going out and realized that I missed so many things, and I didn’t want to regret anything anymore. I got to walk around Chittagong city, every corner of it. It was more than an adventure, and I got the best company anyone would dream about.
Besides working, together we explored the city. We tested tea from almost all the roadside tea stall, visited places that people ignore, met the people, went to book stores, enjoyed foods, experienced things that could never be forgot. We talked about issues that we cared about, people that we adored, books that we loved, places that we wanted to be, things that we wanted to do, revolutions that we wanted to happened, changes that we wanted to bring. And we did so through walking. We walked, walked, and walked. Sometimes our friends accompanied us but most of the time only two of us.
The world started getting better day by day. I saw the color, heard the music, and felt the love of lives. I explored things, I enjoyed my life, and I became a better person. Eventually, I realize it’s not about where we live. It’s about who we choose to be. Probably, every one of us has our own story like this when life takes a path that we don’t expect. But, we are always given another chance. And the choice is always ours to open our heart to embrace new things that would teach us to learn, to love, to live.

P.S. This writing is for my aforementioned friends who have no idea what an important role they have played for me. And most importantly, for the person who taught me to learn, to love, and to live once again. I know we will not be physically beside each other for next several months or so, but it probably doesn’t matter that much since distance can’t fade out the colors and the sounds of friendship.
Ema